Recent studies reveal “DMY” overwhelmingly ineffective

HOUSTON–Seeking to be remembered in others’ duas is as Bohra as eating in a tahl or Bindi Bazaar.  One ground-breaking new study threatens to put that to the test.  In findings released just before Ramadan, researchers from Jamea have concluded that solicitations of “dua ma yaad” (DMY) lead to virtually no increase in actually being remembered in duas.

On one recent moti raat, researchers followed one local mumin bhai, Ali Itconsultantwala, regarded as the biggest DMYer in the jamaat.  Ali remarked, “To me, its all about getting the most DMY’s out there in the quickest amount of time. Any time a moti raat comes by, I need to get remembered in as many duas as I can. Text, e-mail, Facebook, whatever…one year I stood outside the masjid bathroom and greeted everyone who came out. I figured if these guys just did wazoo, then their duas gotta count.”

In one night, Ali mass-emailed DMY to 345 friends and family before coming to masjid, texted another 64 from the car, and updated his Facebook status sitting on his masala before namaz started.  Researchers followed up with each person given a DMY by Ali that night, and the results were stunning.  Overall, a mere 10 people, or 2.3% of his DMY recipients remembered Ali in their duas.  8 of those people indicated they would have remembered Ali even without the DMY, while 13 indicated they left Ali out of their duas after getting his DMY.  Most just plain forgot, even with the reminder. One DMY recipient who asked to remain anonymous opined “I got Ali’s text and e-mail…but I had a lot of duas to remember:  well-being for my family, new shoes, long life for my goldfish. I guess between all that I just forgot about Ali.”

Ali was at a loss to explain his dismal DMY success, but remained defiant, “All this means is that I gotta step up my DMY game to a whole new level.”  Houston, you might have a problem.

Related News:  Local man videotaped shoving way to front of salaam line while yelling “dakkho naa maaro!”

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4 Responses to Recent studies reveal “DMY” overwhelmingly ineffective

  1. docbucs says:

    Hysterical Adnan!

  2. mboxwala says:

    This is great! I can’t wait to read more. DMY 😀

  3. Pingback: Eid Mubarak « A Disorganised Mind

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